Imagine yourself in my shoes; what would you do?
UPDATE: I didn't intend for this post to sound mean or angry - just fun! I think it's terrific that they took the initiative to go and spend time with some other industry folks. I suspect the value of the day trip will be at least on par with the results they would have gotten from a last day of sessions. BTW - My sickness has gotten a bit worse; I've got a nasty fever, too. Hopefully a day of rest before tomorrow's flight back will help.
Do nothing. Extremely angry fiance will handle everything. I'm thinking of leaving cookies on small slips of paper on their desk. The cookies, being delicious, will be devoured before they notice the note, which will read, "The cookies have poop in them."
Now I just need to find some poop cookies.
Alternatively, you could just tell some pissy customs agent that they're smuggling foie gras in their rectums.
No need for the poop. Just use chocolate laxative in place of chocolate chips. Right before the plane flight.
No, no. "Poop cookies" is way classier.
Extremely angry fiancee has it right. But horse jollop will do. Ask "most amused father" for details on horse jollop brownies at next dinner at our house. Bring much wine and be prepared to snort wine through nose while laughing.
In the meantime, order up plenty of superheated tea with generous dollops honey. Over the counter sleep-inducing cold medications are HIGHLY recommended for the flight home. Feel free to snore loudly - your seat mates' love for you will outweigh their rage.
I will help you bake them. I have a small dog and it poops enough for an entire batch of cookies.
Those things spring up everywhere!
...poop cookies? What the...? What HAS Rand let himself in for?
:)
Give them a raise. They assessed the situation, made a difficult executive decision, then implemented their strategy to perfection. Bravo, we should all wish to have employees with the ability to be flexible, and respond with determination to succeed where opportunities present themselves. Plus you were asleep man...
Good call.
1. Buy them some notepads because that is so a RECEIPT they left the first one on. Real paper is for champions.
2. See what the receipt is for, because, they are sooooo not claiming whatever it is on their expense reports.
3. Fantasize about kicking both their asses kung fu style (if you picture this too vividly, it's likely the fever and you should go to the clinic).
4. Ask for a 3 page, single spaced type written report from each of them detailing the events of this networking opportunity.
But, then again... I'm a bitch and Becs (long story, she knows why she has that name!) is sooooooo gonna kick my ass for even suggesting it. :P
Only three pages? Oh Rae, you should know better. They can just use really huge font.
Instead, what you want is a three... thousand word report, detailing who, what, where, and how, with added whither, whether wherefore and a whopping great side-order of why :)
Zaphod style!
Did they seriously go to paris?
Arg..I really need to start inviting myself to some of these conferences.
Yeah, I wanna know too. Cause we still don't know...and, well, we work for SEOmoz.
They did. Apparently they hopped on a train, did a whirlwind tour, and just got back to London about an hour ago.
I like how it is written by Scott as though he had to DRAG Rebecca along to Paris. I have a feeling that she may be behind this scheme...
I'm with mbarr on this one. Something seems a little too innocent about that note.
Always have Airborne with you. Those vitamins are pretty darn good and have been pretty efficient (in my experience) to fight against any signs of illness.
How about giving both Scott and Rebecca an assignment. They each have to create some linkbait from the day's adventure. Whoever gets more links to their piece gets to go to the next conference. The other one has to give his or her pass to Matt.
Young, independent, self-confident.....and PARIS!!!
Besides Rand, you said so yourself, the conference is the same old same old.
Laugh it off, get through the day, get well, and tell those two scallywags that they owe you one, BIG TIME!
It's okay, actually. We've just found out that "Paris" is a dive bar near St. Pancras Station and that they've been there for the past twelve hours drinking cheap cider with David Naylor.
Ummm...you realise that had I been there, it would have been my idea, I would have led the charge, the group would have grown substantially larger and of course I would have been blamed for everything (usually the case being the bad influence that I am).
Rae, remember how my 'quick trip into Mexico' during WITS to show Thomas and Jimmy a new country suddenly became a limo with 16 people for a near all night excursion/party? Geez....
Sorry to hear you're sick Mate...feel better.
Joe
Hey Joe, so long as you're guilty, life is still very, very good.
Just making sure: you've got my cell number... in case you need it for the next hairbrained scheme/party you cook up, right?
No more hair-brained schemes that involve mass media!
Hear hear.
LOL...you syill have energy after the last hairbrained scheme???
And of course Ive got your number...its on perma dial!
Can I be in on the next one ... please?
Oh, I so do! I also remember the ghetto car on massive hydrolics and someone getting his groove on on the dance floor in a night club that let ten year olds in too! :P
Get them a couple of mime outfits and some white makeup and make them attend at least a day of the conference as mimes.
See if your hotel has another room available.... then move all your stuff into the other room.... don't leave a note.
Hope you kick it quick. Getting sick while traveling is no fun... getting sick while traveling and being in another country is the worst.
LOL. Nice! :)
Just really rub it in when they got back that Rebecca lost her chance to speak at the conference, as she could have filled in for you, instead they deserted you in your hour of need.
Punishement? Maybe for the flight back have Scott set you up with the emergency exit seat, and set them both up in the screaming infant section ;)
... and after a few hours of the screaming-infant-section, arrange for them to be moved to the creepy-guy-next-to-you section. That atta show 'em how to leave you behind. :)
Lost my chance? Yeah, it would have been really awesome to have Rand mime his analytics notes to me while I ineptly try to figure out what to say along with his slides. I don't think I'm quite at the point where I can fill in for Rand last-minute willy-nilly.
I think you're screwed. First off, by being all virusey (which I do hope passes off quickly) and secondly because your rage is most likely outweighed by your love for those two.
Just make sure you give em both a big sloppy kiss on the lips first chance you get.
Fire them and hire me... JK -- on the firing them part only ;)!
Hey, are they still in Paris, tell them to send me and email if they are, I'd like to offer them a drink in St Michel!
LOL I love the picture of the note you left!!
Hrm....this reads like a really crappy Danielle Steele novel.
Isn't it redundant to call a Danielle Steele novel "really crappy"?
If I was in your shoes Rand, I'd say
"Blimey! I'm in yellow shoes!"
Brilliant!! I think I even LOL'd a little. Rand's sickly state of delirium makes it even more funny.
Thumbs up bro!
Oh, how my heart is breaking. Hey, guess what! I'm getting a new car today. That's cool too! That's as cool as Paris. Yeah it is.
I hate Rebecca. And I've already been there, so nerrrrrrrr.
Thank them for the blog post inspiration.
New idea. Replace laptops with Remmington typewriters, the manual type. Invoke Hemmingway, Steinbeck, Miller and Ninn. Then 'Ask for a 3 page, single spaced type written report from each of them detailing the events of this networking opportunity.'
sugrrae, you rock. Gillian and MG, doubly so.
....and rearrange all the keys.
Sick, mute and troubled?
Beats the hell outta sticky, broke and confused.
Thanks for the chuckle - Get well soon. :)
Greg at NICOclub.com.
Kind of off topic, but just wanted to say you did another awesome job on the forum seminar today; very informative (although your obsession with stats could be a medical condition).
I kind of got the impression you pissed that Google guy off, that kind of made me laugh. Or maybe he just doesn't smile a lot...
Shame you wasn't on the linkbaiting panel; I was hoping you would be. Nick and Dave were really good, but the other two panelists (the one's on the far right) were extremely weak, and didn't really seem confident about what they were saying, which made it difficult to believe what they said.
An obsession with statistics (and other facts) is what makes Rand a commanding and in-demand speaker. So we'll only call the doc if he doesn't find his voice by the time he leaves London.
Yes, well done Rand, great presentation considering you was slowly losing your voice. It's a shame Index Tools couldn't be there to discuss their product in more detail.
I agree, the guy from Google was getting quite pissed with the amount of criticism his product was receiving...
But I have to stick up for Google Analytics here; at the end of the day it’s totally FREE! The only other free tool which I have used is awstats and there is no comparison.
Of course, the other tools do so much more, but if you have a relatively small site and you run a PPC campaign, Google Analytics works perfectly.
Re: Update
I stand behind the poop comment. Jane said she'd help.
You should take on the persona of a cave man during your panel. Answer all questions with grunts and wild arm gestures.
When Scott and Rebecca get back stroke your beard a lot over the next few days like you are ruminating on a punishment.
Ill...? after you survived the haggis on Monday and everything. Life's not fair - hope you feel better soon.
Give us a shout if there's anything we can do to help...
As for the errant mozzers, I'm sure you'll come up with a suitable punishment.
Rand, Honestly I would be somewhat mad lol, but I don't know the hole situation.
Now, that is a funny note :-)
Writing a 1,500 word report on that "networking" trip sounds like a good idea.
Better then a good idea, its a phenomenal idea.
Hmmm hopefully it really is a "networking opportunity" and not a "winery tour" on the "company's dime". Feel free to use air quotes while discussing this further.
Headed to Paris myself here in a month!
Wasn't on the company card...we received generous donations for this impromptu trip.
Even better! I was just poking fun as it was. Looks like you guys made the most of it!
If you can't beat 'em - JOIN 'EM!!!!!
Go home, and take their tickets. You had a great networking opportunity come up in the states, and needed to go back, and accidentally forgot you had their tickets...
For bonus points, write the message on the front of that receipt.
It looks like toilet paper...
Sick? You looked well enough to me, seemed like a cry for sympathy ;)