Yes, it's prepostorous. But, if it did happen, here are some items I might take on, both on the relevance boosting side and from a webmaster relations angle.

First, spam killing and relevance boosting:

  • Hire a team of 5-10 SEOs to watch the top known "spam" arenas. These guys/gals would watch over searches like those in my sing-a-long-spam post, identify naughty websites and the techniques they used and make a list for engineers to deal with algorithmically.
  • Shred the sandbox for unique phrases (no more SEOmoz not ranking for the term SEOmoz - if you come up with a term, no matter how low quality your links are, you should still be ranking for it).
  • Kill the value of the DigitalPoint Co-op in ranking websites (it's hard to believe it's gone on this long). I'm a big Shawn Hogan fan (and I love the forum and tools), but the crap sites I see ranking who use it make me cringe.
  • Set up an annual SEO contest for the search engineers - each person gets to register a website (or use a subdomain) and play the SEO game for cool prizes or just respect. The experience alone would be invaluable in having engineers understand the ranking process from the other side (it would probably improve relevancy, too).
  • Put a perma-bug in Dave Naylor's head while he was sleeping so we could hear everything he says.
  • Write our own version of SEOmoz's Beginner's Guide and put it on the Google website - this would help eliminate a lot of questions/misconceptions people have about SEO and largely shut down the SEO companies that give the industry a bad name (Internet Advancement, what?)
  • Run a check of all domains with a /index.html or /home.html variant and remove all instances where the /index.html is the indented result beneath the www domain (it's a total waste of space)
  • Set up "batphone" lines with the following people - Aaron Wall, Todd Malicoat, Michael Gray, Greg Boser, Claus, Thomas Bindl (and probably a few others). There would be a Google engineer "receptionist" who would jot down their questions, concerns and noticed issues and make those part of the daily/weekly whiteboard meetings.
  • Think hard about my interface design - this guy makes some good points and this guy is right on the money.

OK, enough free consulting, now for the webmaster relations initiatives:

  • Start showing accurate link counts again
  • Make API results accurate and increase daily queries allowed to 5,000
  • Possibly set up a Yahoo! style Site Explorer
  • Show penalties/bans/problems with a site right in the search results for a URL or domain - indicate the issue, and where to find guidelines on how to fix. I'd also probably set up penalization periods (like jail time) for offenses so a guy who keyword stuffed would get 2 weeks before he could apply for re-inclusion, while a guy who hijacked a URL would get 12 months.
  • Clone MC (probably need at least 6 of that guy) and dispatch them around the SEO/webdev world to get feedback
  • Give straight answers about the algo - I honestly don't see it hurting to say "we don't consider Wikipedia links valuable, even though they're not nofollowed" or to issue statements like "No. The DMOZ does not provide more value than any other link of its caliber."
  • Offer a Google webmaster toolbar that allowed for direct reporting of certain situations like "you missed a 301 here" or "this content is AdSense spam" or even "this duplicate content isn't the original"

Obviously, not all my ideas are 100% serious, and I'm not going to be swapping day jobs anytime soon, but it's fun to imagine. So... What would you do if put in charge of search at Google?